1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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