Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
