She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
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