woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
