you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
