btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
