Yo dont text me then not text me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
