Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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