i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize