Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
