he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
