So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch