i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together