She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.