This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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