my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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