Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
