yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
