i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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