hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
