toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
