Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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