I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
