I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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