Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
