What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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