at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
