listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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