After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
