my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
