Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
