Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
