If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
