thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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