I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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