Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
