so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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