I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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