The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
