Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry about my life...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
