just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
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thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
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I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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