I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
