Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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