jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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