we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
