i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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