My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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