if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
