she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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