I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
