just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
