I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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