we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
