did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
