your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
