You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
