i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
