you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do herpes really smell.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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