I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
