Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
