does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
