dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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