..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
