I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
