3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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