She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize