remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
