Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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