new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize